


Don't Tell Me You've Moved On

by broadwaylesbian



Category: Billy Elliot (2000)
Genre: Boarding School, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Sexuality Crisis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-12
Updated: 2018-06-12
Packaged: 2019-05-21 08:04:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14911547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/broadwaylesbian/pseuds/broadwaylesbian
Summary: When the boys at school start to experiment with their sexuality, Billy realizes something about himself that maybe he should have noticed a long time ago.Thanks to @nadiea on tumblr for giving me the motivation to finish this <3





	Don't Tell Me You've Moved On

**Author's Note:**

> Italics are for Billy's time at home for holidays and regular text is for his time at school.
> 
> Based on the musical, but works for the movie as well.

_The summer was almost over. Billy went back to school in just over a week, and he and Michael were both counting the minutes. They lay side by side on Billy’s bed, flush against each other from shoulder to elbow. Billy was absentmindedly stretching his feet from a flex to a pointe while Michael tapped his fingers along to the Bowie record they were listening to._

_“Do you ever think about our friendship?” Michael said suddenly. “Like, how have we managed to stay friends this long?”_

_Billy hummed in thought. “I’ve never thought about it. I guess I just can’t imagine my life without you as my friend.”_

_“I think about it all the time. Every time you write a letter and tell me about your ballet school friends and I think about us. I don’t know any ballet. I see you three months out of the year. Every day you’re living and studying with people who are just like you and share your passions and see you every day and despite all that we’ve clung on to this.” Michael’s voice wasn’t bitter or jealous. Just rational, like he was laying out the steps of a math problem and the answer was right but the process didn’t make sense._

_“I mean, yeah, I guess,” Billy said, “they know about ballet and we live together, but they’ll never know me like you do. None of them know about Dad and Tony. They didn’t go to boxing lessons with me for ages. They didn’t grow up with me, here, in Durham.”_

_“Okay, but even that is superficial stuff. Everybody’s got childhood friends who share those memories with them and they grow apart anyway.”_

_“It’s almost like you don’t want us to be friends anymore,” Billy joked._

_“No, no, it’s just that how often to people stay friends with their schoolmates?”_

_“Not everyone’s schoolmates lived through a strike with them. Not everyone’s schoolmates are you.”_

_Michael smiled and Billy knew he had won the conversation. The song faded out and in the interim Michael turned his head to look at Billy and said, in a tone only a step above a whisper, “I never want summer to end if it means always being with you.” The next song started to play, and Billy said nothing. Michael turned his head away, and slowly twined his fingers with Billy’s. Neither boy pulled away, and so they lay there, silently drinking in the feeling of being with the other._

 

 

In the two years since he had been at the Royal Ballet School, and in that time Billy and his classmates had become a family to each other. Two years of voice cracks and growth spurts, failed classes and sprained ankles, homesickness and first kisses had brought them together. Things had changed, too. There were friends who they didn’t talk to anymore and friends who had only just joined their little group. It was only natural that as they grew older even more changes would befall the friend group.

The first week of classes after summer break, Billy and his friends gathered for a get together in one of their dorm rooms. Everyone had been so busy unpacking and starting up class again, so they were eager to have a chance to catch up after the long holiday.

Friday after their last class, Billy and Charlie hurried to their dorm to change out of their dance clothes before heading to their friend Susanna’s dorm room. Billy was pulling on a pair of trainers when Charlie pulled his desk chair over by Billy’s bed and quietly said, “I’ve got to tell you something.”

Billy spared a quick glance up before going back to tying his shoes. “Yeah, what is it?”

“Well, you’re my roommate and my friend, so I think it’s right you be the first to know but, uh, I did a lot of thinking this summer and I, uh, I think I’m a poof.” Billy looked up quickly and saw Charlie’s face wracked with uncertainty.

Billy stuttered, “Oh, uh, yeah! You’re sure? Because that’s-that’s fine, I don’t-uh, I don’t mind.”

Charlie’s face relaxed considerably. “You mean it?”

“Yeah, of course.” Billy paused. “I’m glad you told me.”

Charlie smiled and hopped out of his chair. “Yeah. We’re mates, aren’t we? Come one, we should head over to Susanna’s.”

Billy slowly followed his friend. He didn’t know why, but Charlie being gay made him both relaxed and slightly uneasy. Briefly, he thought of Michael, back when they were kids in County Durham, and how Michael had said he was in love with him, once. They were still close friends, but the distance was hard on their friendship. Every time Billy was home, it took them a few days to remember what it was like to be best friends before they fell back into their old routine. Michael was gay, too, he supposed. Billy was simultaneously always aware of that fact and perfectly oblivious to it. Only rarely did Billy think about the kiss he had given Michael before leaving for school years ago. Now was one of those rare occasions. He never quite understood why he did it, only that Billy loved Michael in some way and he needed to tell him how much he would miss him. They had never talked about it. Billy supposed Michael just knew he wasn’t gay.

He was shaken from his thoughts by Charlie knowing on Susanna’s door, and smiled brightly when Susie promptly answered. The sound of his friends laughing inside and the promise of a good time was enough to keep his mind of Michael for the rest of the night.

 

 

After coming out to Billy, Charlie told the rest of the group slowly. First he talked to Susanna and Mina, then he told Willa over tea. A little after that he told Daniel, James, and Tommy while they were lounging in the dorm, and just like that the whole friend group knew. Charlie was gay and it was alright. No one brought it up, and it was like Michael all over again, just a fact that everyone knew but never mentioned. All in all, Charlie wasn’t any different after coming out.

It was on a Sunday afternoon the week before Christmas break. Billy and Willa had gone for lunch together, and when Billy got back to his dorm, he was surprised to find it had one more occupant than when he left it. Charlie and Daniel were tangled up together on Charlie’s bed, kissing excitedly. The first few seconds of initial shock passed and Billy let out an awkward “Hey.”

His friends pulled away shyly, but didn’t break apart in surprise like he had expected. Daniel blushed and waved at Billy, “Hey…” Charlie giggled quietly.

Billy quietly closed the door and stepped inside his room. “So you’re…this is a thing?”

“Yeah. About a month ago we were talking and it just ended in a kiss and now it’s a thing,” Daniel said. He had scooted a few inches away from Charlie on the bed. “I had known I liked gents for about a year, but it wasn’t until Charlie told everyone that I was ready to say anything.

“Well, I am very happy for you both. Just no kissing on my bed.”

Charlie laughed, “Well now we’re going to just to take the piss out of you.” Billy plopped down on his bed and threw a pillow and his friend, and then they were all three giggling.

Later that night, though, Billy felt the same uneasiness he did when Charlie first said he was gay. Before, with Charlie, it was purely theoretical. Now Billy was face to face with what being gay meant and seeing his friends kissing like that had shaken him in a way that seeing two straight people kiss never had. For a moment, he was stricken with the thought that he was being homophobic. He rolled over and whispered his roommate’s name.

A few seconds passed, and Billy feared his friend was asleep until a groggy voice said “What?”

“Am I a homophobe?” Billy asked.

Billy heard the bedsprings creak as Charlie rolled over. “What? Why would you think that?”

“You and Daniel, it— “

“Oh, for Christ’s sake, Billy, we’re not gonna fuck in your bed. Go to sleep.”

“No! Seeing you made me feel weird, and I don’t know why.”

“Weird how?” Charlie asked.

“Like, in my stomach it felt, I don’t know…flippy?”

“What the hell does that mean?”

“Like I was nervous but warmer. And my chest was pounding. I don’t know it was just weird, like I said. But I don’t hate gay people, and I don’t want to, so I can’t be a homophobe, can I?”

“Billy, you said you felt warm?” Charlie sounded curious.

“Yeah, why?”

“When’s the last time you thought a girl was fit?”

“Uh, I don’t know. I guess maybe in Durham, as a kid? I can’t remember.”

“You ever kissed a girl?”

“No, but my friend Michael kissed me once.”

“And how did you feel about that?”

“I mean, it was fine, but I had a lot going on at the time and I never thought about it much.”

“Well, Billy, I don’t think you’re a homophobe, but I think you should maybe think about that kiss.”

“What do you mean?”

“Goodnight.” Charlie rolled back over.

“Charlie, wait—“ Charlie let out an obnoxious fake snore, and Billy rolled onto his back in dismay.

 

 

_Christmas break meant three weeks of afternoons spent in Michael’s room in Durham. Billy and Michael were sitting cross legged on the carpet with a bowl of crisps between them. It had only been a week since Billy had talked to Charlie, and since then Charlie had refused to offer any ore advice on the matter. Billy was tragically confused about the whole thing, and he knew Michael would help him understand._

_“So, Michael, I have news.” Michael looked at him as if prodding him to go on. “Two of my friends at ballet school told me they’re gay.”_

_Michael snorted, “I mean, I don’t like to be stereotypical but you’re at ballet school, Billy. Are you that surprised?”_

_This was entirely different than how Billy thought Michael would react, though he would admit he had hardly thought of it at all. “I mean, I never thought of it. I just…you’re gay.”_

_“Ooh, what gave it away?”_

_“Fuck off, mate. It’s just very new.” Michael sighed thoughtfully. Billy asked, suddenly feeling bold, “Remember when you kissed me?”_

_“On the cheek. And you kissed me, too.”_

_“But it was a kiss.”_

_Michael looked at him. “Billy, we were kids. Besides, you could hardly call it a kiss.”_

_“You said you loved me.”_

_Michael was blushing. “Yeah, when I was fucking thirteen. It was a childhood crush. People get over those.”_

_“So you’re over it?”_

_“Billy, I-of course I’m over it. Why are you asking me about all this?”_

_Billy shook his head. “The guys at school, they just got me thinking about it all.”_

_“What, are they trying to convince you you’re gay?” Michael was smiling, but something in his eyes was sad and a little hopeful, and Billy thought maybe everything Michael had just said had been a lie._

_“No, they just…whatever let’s drop it.” Michael opened his mouth as if to speak before promptly shutting it again. “So…how’s Mrs. Wilkinson?”_

 

 

After break, Billy went back to London. Almost immediately, he went to Charlie. They were walking down the hall to the dorms when Billy asked “Who else is gay? Besides you and Daniel?”

Charlie hushed him and lowered his voice, “Why? What’s wrong with you?”

Billy was staring Charlie straight in the eyes, “I think I’m gay but I’m not sure.”

“Kissing someone won’t make you sure,” Charlie reasoned. He was ushering the two of them into the dorm room without anyone hearing the conversation.

“But it could help, right?” Billy’s eyes were desperate.

Charlie sighed, “Listen, Billy, I can’t go around telling you who’s gay and who’s not before they’re ready. Besides, I don’t know every gay person in school. It’s not like we go out advertising it.”

“Please, Charlie.”

“Okay, okay, look here,” Charlie said, “Why don’t I kiss you? We’re mates, Daniel and I are casual, and if it goes bad, or you’re not gay, no one has to know. Deal?”

Billy looks at his friend warily. “Deal.”

“Okay, good. Do you want to do it now?”

Billy’s eyes widened, “Can we?’

“Of course, just come here.” Billy took a step toward his friend. Charlie put one hand lightly on Billy’s cheek and flashed him a quick smile before leaning in softly. He paused a millimeter from Billy’s lips, and Billy could feel his friend’s breath ghost across his skin. Billy’s eyes closed softly and he inhaled sharply when Charlie pressed their lips together. Billy rested his hand just below Charlie’s ribs and let his friend lead the kiss. Charlie was moving his lips against Billy’s slowly, and he flicked his tongue against Billy’s top lip briefly before pulling away. He moved his hand from Billy’s cheek to his shoulder and looked into his eyes. “Are you okay, mate?” he asked.

Billy shuddered out a breath before nodding. “Yeah, actually. I feel…still. Like something clicked.”

“You don’t need to make up your mind right now, you know. And you don’t have to tell me anything. Just give yourself some time, okay?” Charlie said earnestly.

Billy nodded, but he already knew his answer. He was gay, or he just like boys or something but something else was abundantly clear. Even though kissing Charlie had been nice, the first person Billy thought of when Charlie pulled away was Michael. Michael, who said he had moved on from their childhood crush. Maybe, Billy wished silently, maybe Michael had been lying because he though Billy was straight.

Billy wanted to write to his friend immediately, wanted to confess everything, but he knew better. Charlie was right, he needed to sort through his feelings and what they meant. Looking back, so much of his life seemed different. He remembered dressing up with Michael in his mum’s clothes and wanted to laugh at how he rationalized that.

Billy knew he had to wait to talk to Michael in person, but summer was an awful long way away.

 

 

_Billy tried to be happy during the “welcome home” dinner his dad and brother made for him, but he was far too anxious. Of course, he was thrilled to be back home with his family, and he knew they had missed him lots, but all he could think of was Michael and seeing him as soon as possible. And of course, he felt bad about telling his dad he was tired after the long train ride and going to his room at 9 PM. And, yes, he felt even worse about climbing out his bedroom window twenty minutes later and speedwalking to Michael’s house, the sun finally starting to set, but he forgot all of it when he turned to corner to Michael’s house._

_He quietly snuck around to Michael’s window and knocked on the window frame. When Michael opened the window, Billy’s stomach dropped and his heart glowed at the same time. In the months since he realized he was gay and in love with his best friend, he had had too much time to fantasize and daydream about what it would be like when they finally reunited. Michael smiled and greeted him, “Billy! I thought we were going to hang out tomorrow?”_

_“I had to see you,” Billy said, maybe a bit too desperately. He kicked himself mentally for being so dramatic, but it was true._

_Michael smiled quizzically. “I missed you, too. Come in.” He stepped away from the window and walked over to the bed. “I don’t know why you snuck in. We’re almost eighteen, and it’s not even that late. You should say hi to Mum. She’d love to see you.”_

_Billy scrambled into the room as gracefully as possible, but still ended up awkwardly swinging his knee over the frame and rolling inside. He bounced back up and interrupted his friend. “Michael, wait. I didn’t come through the front because I snuck out of my house. I felt bad about leaving my dad on my first day back but I needed to see you.”_

_Michael looked concerned. “Billy,” he said, “are you alright? You’re acting weird.”_

_Michael was lying on the bed, but unmistakably alert and propped up on one elbow. Billy was still hovering by the window. He shut the window and took two steps toward Michael. “I’ve done a lot of thinking this year at school, and,” Billy breathed deeply, “I think I’m gay.”_

_Michael’s eyes widened, and he blinked in surprise. “You-what? You_ think _?”_

_“I know I’m gay.” Billy sat on the edge of the bed. “Michael, I’m serious. I’ve been thinking about it for a year now, and I think I’ve been gay for a long time. Like, since we were kids.”_

_Michael sat up straight. “Why did you rush over here to tell me? I thought you said there were other gay kids at your school, have you not told them?”_

_“No, I have! Well, two of them: my roommate and his boyfriend. But that’s not why I had to see you. Remember when you kissed me, before I left for school the first year?”_

_Michael rolled his eyes. “Billy, we talked about this at Christmas. We were kids. It was on the cheek.”_

_Billy slid closer to Michael and looked him dead in the eyes. “Michael, please.”_

_“_ Billy _-“_

_“Michael, I love you.” Billy couldn’t breathe. Saying those three words had used up every ounce of air inside him and he couldn’t take another breath until Michael said something. He was choking on nothing, his heart had stopped, but the blood was pounding away in his veins._

_Billy couldn’t tell you what sort of look Michael was giving him at that moment, only that it was the most vulnerable he had ever see his friend. Michael’s lips were parted, his brows were furrowed, and his eyes were soft and pained behind his glasses._ Say something _, Billy begged silently,_ Anything _._

_“Billy…” Michael said, and he sounded sad. “If this is because you’re looking for someone to experiment with, or you’ve convinced yourself you’re in love with me, or whatever internal thing you’ve got going on, I can’t be a part of it. I’ll always be your friend, but-“_

_“You don’t love me? When you said you moved on, you were telling the truth?”_

_“No! No, Billy, I…”_

_“Michael, when I kissed you goodbye when I was thirteen, I loved you then. I didn’t know it, but I did. And I love you now, and I’m going to keep loving you, I promise. So please, Michael, can I kiss you?”_

_Michael was looking Billy dead in the eyes. They held each other’s gaze for a few long, maddening seconds, then Michael flicked his eyes down to Billy’s lips and breathed out, “Yes.”_

_They met each other halfway, with all the momentum of a deep, forceful kiss, but when their lips touched, it was painfully soft and gentle, the barest hint of skin on skin. They breathed against one another, and Billy shakily moved his hands to Michael’s face. When he pressed his palms to the warm skin of Michael’s cheeks, Billy slotted his lips flush against Michael’s, and then they were kissing for real._

_Michael had snaked his hands under Billy’s outstretched arms to cradle the base of his neck, and was kissing Billy with the urgency of someone who had repressed his love for too many years. Billy kissed like a newborn deer, awkward and eager. Billy tried to brush his tongue against Michael’s lip, and Michael pulled back with the slightest hint of a repressed moan._

_“Billy,” he said, desperation filling his hands as he grasped at Billy’s head, “Billy, please tell me this is real. This has to last longer than this summer.”_

_“It’s real,” Billy said. He pressed his lips to Michael’s forehead, then his temple, then his jaw, and finally his mouth. “I promise.”_

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed this, as it's my first Billy Elliot fanfic. I've written some Newsies fic, too, so feel free to check that out. This is the longest fic I have ever written, and I totally surprised myself. This was supposed to be a quick little 1k word oneshot to pass the time one afternoon, but sometimes you just can't stop typing! 
> 
> Please leave kudos or a quick comment, as it would mean a lot. I'm really active on tumblr (@broadwaylesbian), if you like an unholy amalgamation of interests, rants, and aesthetics, and feel free to follow my twitter (@livgonzales01), which is personal stuff and rants about whatever I happen to be into at the time


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